It arrives as a quiet question, usually after something has happened again — the relationship that ended the same way as the last one, the opportunity that got close and then fell apart, the professional dynamic that has, by now, an entirely familiar shape. The specifics change. The theme doesn't.
Most people register this as a curiosity at first. An interesting coincidence. Over time, as the pattern reasserts itself across enough different domains — work, relationships, the way difficulty tends to arrive — it starts to feel like something more than coincidence. Which it is.
The patterns that repeat in a life are not random. They formed around emotional experiences, usually early ones, and what they created in the process was something closer to a template — a set of expectations about how relationships work, what to anticipate from people, what is safe to want and what isn't. That template doesn't stay in the past. It travels forward. Every new situation gets read through it. The new colleague who might become a difficult boss. The new relationship that might end the same way. The promising moment that might, again, not work out.
The existential weight of this is real. If every new experience gets processed through a template built from the past, the future stops being genuinely open — it has already been scripted. What presents itself as a fresh situation is a repetition, encountered as new but filtered through something old. There are no free moments, no clean encounters with people or circumstances as they actually are. The pattern quietly closes off what might have been possible.
Patterns also do something less obvious. Underneath the repetition there is usually a kind of waiting — an orientation toward connection that never quite arrived in the form it was needed. They hold a place for what didn't happen as much as for what did. Seeing that doesn't dissolve the pattern, but it changes how it can be held.
Patterns formed in relationship can be worked with in relationship — which is where existential and psychodynamic thinking converge. The work isn't primarily cognitive, not about identifying the pattern and deciding to stop it. It happens in the room, in real time, in the dynamic between two people paying close attention to what is actually occurring between them. The pattern surfaces there too. And that is where it becomes possible to encounter it differently — understood in the conditions that formed it, and gradually held more loosely.
The people I work with in New Jersey — in Montclair, Summit, Ridgewood, Maplewood, Short Hills, Morristown, and Westfield — often arrive knowing the pattern by name. What they are looking for is not another name for it. It is a way of meeting it that doesn't feel like more of the same.
I work with adults throughout New Jersey through telehealth sessions. Prospective clients are welcome to reach out at jonathanwalsh@hushmail.com or to request a complimentary 15-minute consultation through this site.
Frequently Asked Questions about Existential Therapy
What is existential therapy?
Existential therapy explores questions of meaning, freedom, choice, and identity rather than focusing primarily on symptoms. It treats emotional difficulty as information worth examining, not just a problem to be corrected.
What does existential therapy help with?
It is well-suited for anxiety, life transitions, grief, and the persistent feeling that something is off even when life appears to be working. It tends to appeal to people who want to understand themselves more deeply, not just feel better in the short term.
How is existential therapy different from CBT?
CBT targets specific thought patterns and behaviors. Existential therapy is more concerned with the larger questions underneath — what a person values, what they are choosing, and whether the life they are living is genuinely their own.
Who is a good fit for existential therapy?
It works best for people who are reflective and willing to sit with uncertainty rather than looking for a quick fix or a structured program.
Jonathan Walsh, LMHC, LCMHC, LPC is a licensed therapist providing existential therapy via telehealth in New Jersey and several other states. He is a member of the New England Center for Existential Therapy and has completed core training at the Institute for Existential-Psychoanalytic Therapy. Learn more about Jonathan.